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Target shopper

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  • Target shopper

    RETIRED HUSBAND

    After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse.

    Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target:

    Dear Mrs. Johnson,

    Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store.
    Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Williamson, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras:


    1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking.

    2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

    3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom.

    4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3.

    5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway.�


    6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

    7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged.

    8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

    9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.

    10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were.

    11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible'
    theme.

    12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels.

    13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

    14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

    15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room?

    And last, but not least:

    16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out.
    Don Myers
    Springfield Mo

  • #2
    Re: Target shopper

    ROFLMAO .. That is funny!!!!
    sigpic
    Rick "Groundhog" Hadley
    CHVRA President
    Charlotte Chapter 1-7
    www.charlottevra.com
    Facebook Link

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    • #3
      Re: Target shopper

      Mrs. Johnson & Mr. Williamson???? Husband & wife. Lordy I wish for the old days when husband and wife had the same last name! Good pointers there though! Great story.
      VROC Member 34585

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      • #4
        Re: Target shopper

        Sounds like fun. Maybe I might do some of that when I retire.
        sigpic

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        • #5
          Re: Target shopper

          That could be me at some point!!! HAHAHA!!
          Patrick "Hotwheels" Sharon
          President Columbus Vulcan Riders Chapter 1-32
          Columbus, Oh
          National President 2020
          National Vice President 2019
          National Treasurer 2013 - 2015
          VROC Member # 34133
          2014 Vulcan Voyager
          2021 CanAm Spyder F3-Limited

          2020 CanAm Spyder F3-Limited
          2009 Vulcan Voyager - Gone
          2002 1500 Mean Streak - Gone
          2007 Vulcan VN2000 Classic LT
          -Gone
          2007 Vulcan VN900 Classic LT - Gone


          Columbus Vulcan Riders 1-32 FaceBook group

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          • #6
            Re: Target shopper

            I hate it when the dressing rooms are out of toilet paper!!
            Randy - aka racinfan101
            Central IL Chapter 1-39 President
            2024/25 National President

            https://www.facebook.com/groups/cent...?ref=bookmarks
            2002 Vulcan Drifter 800, 2010 Vulcan Nomad 1700, 2020 Kawasaki W800. Gone but not forgotten...2008 Vulcan Mean Streak, 2002 Vulcan Drifter 1500.

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            • #7
              Re: Target shopper

              When shopping at Target the past summer, I sat down at a patio furniture display. Put my feet up and relaxed. Some other guy came over and sat down and asked how the view was. I told him it isn't too bad, lots of young ladies shopping today. So we sat there together for about 20 minutes until my wife showed up and said she was done and ready to go.

              True Story.
              Fish
              Experience: That most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

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