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HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

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  • HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

    One year, I decided to buy my mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
    The next year, I didn't buy her a gift.
    When she asked me why, I replied,
    "Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
    And that's how the fight started.....
    ________________________________
    My wife and I were watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
    I turned to her and said, 'Do you want to have Sex?'
    'No,' she answered. I then said,
    'Is that your final answer?'
    She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying, 'Yes..'
    So I said, "Then I'd like to phone a friend."
    And that's when the fight started...
    ________________________________
    I took my wife to a restaurant.
    The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
    "I'll have the rump steak, rare, please."
    He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad cow?"
    "Nah, she can order for herself."
    And that's when the fight started.....
    _______________________________
    My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
    I asked her, "Do you know him?"
    "Yes", she sighed,
    "He's my old boyfriend. I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he
    hasn't been sober since."
    "My God!" I said, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?"
    And then the fight started...
    Life is a Highway
    I wanna ride it all. . .

  • #2
    Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

    Funny stuff.
    Fish
    Experience: That most brutal of teachers. But you learn, my God do you learn.

    Comment


    • #3
      Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

      I always liked those kind of jokes
      Don Myers
      Springfield Mo

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      • #4
        Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

        I've always liked it too! Here's a couple more!

        When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed. But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the shed, the boat, making beer.. Always something more important to me. Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
        When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall
        grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors. I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush. I said, "When you finish cutting the
        grass, you might as well sweep the driveway."
        The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
        ______________________________
        My wife sat down next to me as I was flipping channels.
        She asked, "What's on TV?"
        I said, "Dust."
        And then the fight started...
        ________________________________
        Saturday morning I got up early, quietly dressed, made my lunch, and slipped quietly into the garage. I hooked up the boat up to the van and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50mph, so I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad all day.
        I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. I cuddled up to my wife's back; now with a different anticipation, and whispered, "The weather out there is terrible."
        My loving wife of 5 years replied, "And, can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that?"
        And that's how the fight started...
        Life is a Highway
        I wanna ride it all. . .

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        • #5
          Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

          Good Ones!!
          Randy - aka racinfan101
          Central IL Chapter 1-39 President
          http://central-il-vulcanriders.org/
          https://www.facebook.com/#!/groups/c....vulcanriders/
          Suffering from Vulcamania!!
          (Since Vulcans Rule and the others Drool)

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

            Yes they are funny!
            Patrick "Hotwheels" Sharon
            President Columbus Vulcan Riders Chapter 1-32
            Columbus, Oh
            Chapter Coordinator

            National Vice President 2019
            National Treasurer 2013 - 2015
            VROC Member # 34133
            2009 Vulcan Voyager
            2007 Vulcan VN2000 Classic LT
            2007 Vulcan VN900 Classic LT

            2002 1500 Mean Streak
            2015 CanAm Spyder RT-Limited
            http://www.columbusvulcanriders.com
            Columbus Vulcan Riders Chapter 1-32 FaceBook Page

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            • #7
              Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

              Last few. . .

              My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary.
              She said, "I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds."
              I bought her a bathroom scale.
              And then the fight started......
              ______________________________
              After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security.
              The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's License to verify my age.
              I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
              home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later.
              The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.
              So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair.
              She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for
              me' and she processed my Social Security application.
              When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Security office. She said, 'You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.'
              And then the fight started...
              ________________________________
              My wife was standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
              She was not happy with what she saw and said to me,
              "I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.'
              I replied, "Your eyesight's damn near perfect."
              And then the fight started........
              ________________________________
              I rear-ended a car this morning...the start of a REALLY bad day!
              The driver got out of the other car, and he was a DWARF!!
              He looked up at me and said 'I am NOT Happy!'
              So I said, 'Well, which one ARE you then?'
              That's how the fight started.
              Life is a Highway
              I wanna ride it all. . .

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              • #8
                Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

                these are good and a good laugh I had
                You only live once, so live life like a kid always
                www.facebook.com/groups/missouribootheelvra/
                https://www.facebook.com/tom.taylor....ref=ts&fref=ts
                http://missouribootheel1-58.weebly.com

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                • #9
                  Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

                  Glad yall enjoyed them, I try to send things that haven't been in your in-box a million times.

                  Yall have a good weekend! Ride if ya can!
                  Life is a Highway
                  I wanna ride it all. . .

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Re: HUMOR - How to Start a Fight

                    Love 'em. I hadn't seen some of them ever before.

                    Comment

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