Rectum stretcher....

[Tomas#5281]

While she was ‘flying’ down the road yesterday, a woman passed over a bridge only to find a
cop with a radar gun on the other side lying in wait. The cop pulled her over, walked up to the
car, with that classic patronizing smirk we all know and love, asked:

- What’s your hurry?
To which she replied:
- I’m late for work.
- What do you do?
- I’m a rectum stretcher, she responded.

The cop stammered:
- A what? A rectum stretcher? And just what does a rectum stretcher do?
- Well, she said, I start by inserting one finger, then work my way up to two fingers, then three,
then four, then with my whole hand in. I work from side to side until I can get both hands in, and
then I slowly but surely stretch it, until it’s about 6 feet wide.

- And just what the heck do you do with a 6 foot asshole? he asked.
- You give him a radar gun and park him behind a bridge!

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

Hahahaha!!!!!

[Deacon Jim]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

I did not see that coming =====good one

[Bear2123]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

Oh, she'd get a good ticket from me for sure...

[Irish]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

HAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!! EXCELLENT. . .

. . . Sorry Bear2123. . .

[Bear2123]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

My concept is simple. You treat me with respect and you get the same....take it elsewhere and so do I. I hate running LIDAR and RADAR. I will only stop someone for speeding IF the pass, opposing me, at +20 over, zoom up behind me at +20, or have the gall to just zip past me when I'm doing +10. They may not yet get a ticket, but certainly warrant a talking too. I don't like traffic court, but, DUI, unlicensed, uninsured, suspended or revoked will get me there everytime. Jan 1, I start looking for the cell phone users. Eff. 1/1/14, IL goes hands free. I'll get an extra ticket book just for them!

[Irish]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

I truly thank you for your service Bear! Really! I admire and respect law enforcement officers. There's more to your job than the public realizes and it's hard. You sound like one of the good ones!

But I must admit, when I see the blue and red in my rear view, I get aggrivated. . . but I know I've done something. . . even tho I'm pretty sure it's REALLY my car! It's possessed. LOL!!! She doesn't seem to know how to stay within the posted speed limit. . .

[Bear2123]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

I truly thank you for your service Bear! Really! I admire and respect law enforcement officers. There's more to your job than the public realizes and it's hard. You sound like one of the good ones!

But I must admit, when I see the blue and red in my rear view, I get aggrivated. . . but I know I've done something. . . even tho I'm pretty sure it's REALLY my car! It's possessed. LOL!!! She doesn't seem to know how to stay within the posted speed limit. . .

Thanks for your thoughts. I appreciate it. There are many of us that do it because we care and a few that I won't even mention that are literally (expletive deleted).

I'd get that car of yours to a blessing and see if it can cure that demon inside! Or, maybe just remove that brick from the gas pedal! LOL!

I Love this Forum. Great, Friendly, Honest people.

Take care and always drive / ride safe...

[Irish]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

I drive a RED Pontiac Grand Prix. . . I think most of it was made/assembled in Canada. . . Maybe she can't read English speed limit signs. . . Yeah, that sounds good! I'll try that next time I get pulled over. . .

[Racinfan101]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

Irish you should try that!! With all do respect to Bear I did laugh at the joke.

[Aquar1234]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

I drive a RED Pontiac Grand Prix. . . I think most of it was made/assembled in Canada. . . Maybe she can't read English speed limit signs. . . Yeah, that sounds good! I'll try that next time I get pulled over. . .

Bonne chance

[Irish]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

Bonne chance

WHUUUUUUTT????

Here in Texas the sign may actually read "Speed Limit 55" but in Texan it's translated as "Yall might wanna slow down now."

[Irish]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

Irish you should try that!! With all do respect to Bear I did laugh at the joke.

If I try it, would you be available to post my bail?

[Racinfan101]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

I would certainly throw in a few bucks towards it!! You know ya don't have to break the limit by 30mph to try it!! LOL! Maybe just try 10 over to start!

[Irish]

Re: Rectum stretcher....

I was pulled over in Houston once. . . this really happened.

The officer asked if I had any warrants out.

Me, "no sir"

Officer, "none for robbery, speeding tickets?"

"No sir."

"Murder?"

"No sir." (pause) "But I thought about it."

He started laughing and gave me a warning.