A Little Light Hearted Laughter

[Crackers2006]

BOB & THE BLONDE


Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 pm. He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10 pmnews was coming on. The news crew was covering the story of a man on the ledge of a large building preparing to jump.


The blonde looked at Bob and said, "Do you think he'll jump?"

Bob said, "You know, I bet he'll jump."

The blonde replied, "Well, I bet he won't."

Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, "You're on!"


Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, "Fair's fair. Here's your money."


Bob replied, "I can't take your money. I saw this earlier on the 5 pmnews, and so I knew he would jump."

The blonde replied, "I did too, but didn't think he'd do it again."

Bob took the money...

[Crackers2006]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

> > > MY NEW TRUCK
> > > >
> > > > I bought a new Ford F250 Super Duty and
> > > > returned to
> > > > the dealer yesterday because I couldn't get the radio
> > > > to work. The salesman
> > > > explained that the radio was voice activated.
> > > > 'Nelson,' the salesman said to
> > > > the radio. The radio replied, 'Ricky or Willie?'
> > > > 'Willie!' he continued and
> > > > 'On The Road Again' came from the speakers. Then
> > > > he said, 'Ray Charles!', and
> > > > in an instant ' Georgia On My Mind' replaced
> > > > Willie Nelson.
> > > >
> > > > I drove away happy, and for the next few days,
> > > > every
> > > > time I'd say, 'Beethoven,' I'd get
> > > > beautiful classical music, and if I said,
> > > > 'Beatles,' I'd get one of their awesome
> > > > songs.
> > > >
> > > > Yesterday, some guy ran a red light and nearly
> > > > creamed
> > > > my new truck, but I swerved in time to avoid him. I
> > > > yelled, 'Ass Hole!'
> > > > >
> > > > Immediately the radio responded with,
> > > > "Ladies and
> > > > gentlemen, the President of the
> > > > United States ."

Damn I love my Ford...

[Crackers2006]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

A cowboy named Bud:
> >
> > A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote
> > mountainous pasture in
> > California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward
> > him out of a cloud of
> > dust.
> >
> > The
> > driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan
> > sunglasses, and YSL
> > tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I
> > tell you exactly how many
> > cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a
> > calf?"
> >
> >
> > Bud
> > looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his
> > peacefully grazing herd
> > and calmly answers, "Sure, Why
> > not?"
> >
> > The
> > yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,
> > connects it to his
> > Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on
> > the Internet, where he
> > calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his
> > location which he then feeds
> > to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an
> > ultra-high-resolution
> > photo.
> >
> > The
> > young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop
> > and exports it to an
> > image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany . Within
> > seconds, he receives an
> > email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed
> > and the data stored.
> > He then accesses an MS-SQL database through an ODBC
> > connected Excel spreadsheet
> > with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,
> > receives a
> > response.
> >
> > Finally,
> > he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,
> > miniaturized HP
> > LaserJet printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You
> > have exactly 1,586 cows and
> > calves."
> >
> >
> > "That's
> > right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,"
> > says
> > Bud.
> >
> > He
> > watches the young man select one of the animals and looks
> > on with amusement as
> > the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his
> > car.
> >
> >
> > Then
> > Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you
> > exactly what your business
> > is, will you give me back my calf?"
> >
> >
> > The
> > young man thinks about it for a second and then says,
> > "Okay, why
> > not?"
> >
> > "You're
> > a Congressman for the U.S.Government", says
> > Bud..
> >
> > "Wow!
> > That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how
> > did you guess
> > that?"
> >
> > "No
> > guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You
> > showed up here even though nobody
> > called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already
> > knew, to a question I
> > never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of
> > equipment trying to show me
> > how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a
> > thing about how working
> > people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This
> > is a herd of sheep.
> > ...
> >
> > Now give me back my dog.
> >

[ibeme151]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

lolol. now give me back my dog...loolol.. thanks i needed a laugh this morning....

[Tomas#5281]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

After 35 years of work in postal services, a postman is preparing for retirement
and he works his last day as a postman. One family gives him a pen as a gift,
another one gives him a key-chain, and when he rings at the third door, a glamorous
blonde appears at the door, holds his hand and takes him to the bedroom where
they spend two hours having the most amazing "Sex".

After the shower she prepares breakfast, eggs with ham and orange juice, then
she gives him a $5 bill.

During the meal, he was delirious and asked:
- Can you explain all of this to me...?!?
The Blonde says:
- Yesterday, I told my husband that our postman is going to be retired and we need
to make something special for him, and he replied:
- F*ck him! Give him 5 dollars!
- ............but the breakfast was my idea.

[1700 Rider]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

LOLLOLLOL those are all funny

[Crackers2006]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

An Arizona couple, both well into their 80s, go to a sex therapist's office.
The doctor asks, 'What can I do for you?'
The man says, 'Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?'
The doctor raises both eyebrows, but he is so amazed that such an elderly couple is asking for sexual advice that he agrees.

When the couple finishes, the doctor says, 'There's absolutely nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse..'



He thanks them for coming, he wishes them good luck, he charges them $50 and he says good bye.


The next week, the same couple returns and asks the sex therapist to watch again. The sex therapist is a bit puzzled, but agrees.

This happens several weeks in a row.

The couple makes an appointment, has intercourse with no problems, pays the doctor, then leave.

Finally, after 3 months of this routine, the doctor says, 'I'm sorry, but I have to ask. Just what are you trying to find out?'


The man says, 'We're not trying to find out anything.

She's married; so we can't go to her house.

I'm married; and we can't go to my house.

The Holiday Inn charges $98.

The Hilton charges $139.

We do it here for $50, and
Medicare pays $43 of it, leaving my net cost of $7.

SHAME ON YOU FOR LAUGHING AT THAT...

Just had to add one more.

[azpostal]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

Dang those are all great!

[lwwade]

Re: A Little Light Hearted Laughter

funny funny funny