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Oil Change?

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  • Oil Change?

    For women who need a laugh ....., and men with a sense of humor

    Oil Change instructions for Women:


    1. Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometers since the last oil change.
    2. Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
    3. 15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.

    Money spent:

    • Oil Change: $40.00
    • Coffee: $2.00
    • Total: $42.00


    Oil Change instructions for Men:

    1. Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
    2. Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
    3. Open a beer and drink it.
    4. Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
    5. Find jack stands under caravan.
    6. In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
    7. Place drain pan under engine.
    8. Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
    9. Give up and use crescent wrench.
    10. Unscrew drain plug.
    11. Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
    12. Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
    13. Have another beer while watching oil drain.
    14. Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
    15. Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
    16. Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
    17. Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
    18. Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
    19. Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
    20. Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
    21. Drink beer.
    22. Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
    23. Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
    24. Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
    25. Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
    26. Begin swearing fit.
    27. Throw stupid crescent wrench.
    28. Beer.
    29. Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
    30. Beer.
    31. Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
    32. Beer.
    33. Lower car from jack stands.
    34. Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
    35. Beer.
    36. Test drive car.
    37. Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
    38. Car is impounded.
    39. Call loving wife, make bail.
    40. 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.

    Money spent:

    • Parts: $50.00
    • DUI: $2500.00
    • Impound fee: $75.00
    • Bail: $1500.00
    • Beer: $40.00
    • Total: $4,185.00

    But you know the job was done right!
    Debi
    Former President 10 Years
    Kentucky Vulcan Riders 1-12
    Spyder Ryder in 2021!

  • #2
    Re: Oil Change?

    HA!! That aint right!!
    Aloha

    Derry ~DaBull~
    Bullock
    Former VRA USA National President
    Former NW Florida Chapter 1-6 President
    Crestview, Florida
    2012 Vulcan Voyager 1700
    (Previous 2005 Vulcan Nomad 1600)

    ~If you fool with Da Bull...You're gonna get the Horn


    Comment


    • #3
      Re: Oil Change?

      that's why i drink liquor.

      1st. pull car in garage
      2nd. mix drink
      3rd. drink while sitting just the right radio station
      4th. drink more while day dreaming about the good ole days, when you used to get out and run around. can't find anything good on radio
      5th. get out car, mix 1 more
      6th. see game on TV, set on arm of recliner by door
      7th, slid down arm while grabing the handle for feet
      8th. holler at wife to bring a refill
      9th. while thanking her for drink, mention that she needs to stop by the jeffy lube monday after she gets off work.

      cost: who cares she paid for it!!!

      Randy
      07 Classic 1500
      04 Mean Streak 1600
      The destination is merely a by-product of the journey.

      Comment


      • #4
        Re: Oil Change?

        HA!!!!!!!! first time I've seen the "metric" version liters instead of quarts. Slab instead of case. - still funny
        Papa Bear
        2007 Vulcan Classic LT 900, Maroon & Silver
        VROC # 31434
        God's Great, Beer is Good, and People are Crazy

        Comment


        • #5
          Re: Oil Change?

          Randy, you forgot one part.

          Emergency Room Care: $2500 after wife beats husband over head with cast iron skillet.
          Debi
          Former President 10 Years
          Kentucky Vulcan Riders 1-12
          Spyder Ryder in 2021!

          Comment


          • #6
            Re: Oil Change?

            Ja ja ja ja !!!!!!!!

            Comment

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