For women who need a laugh ....., and men with a sense of humor
Oil Change instructions for Women:
Money spent:
Oil Change instructions for Men:
Money spent:
But you know the job was done right!
Oil Change instructions for Women:
- Drive into Ultra Tune when the odometer reaches 10,000 kilometers since the last oil change.
- Drink a cup of coffee , read free paper.
- 15 minutes later, pay bill leave with a properly maintained vehicle.
Money spent:
- Oil Change: $40.00
- Coffee: $2.00
- Total: $42.00
Oil Change instructions for Men:
- Wait until Saturday, drive to auto parts store and buy a case of oil, filter, kitty litter, hand cleaner and a scented tree, write a cheque for $50.00.
- Stop by the Bottle Shop and buy a slab of beer, write a cheque for $40, drive home.
- Open a beer and drink it.
- Jack car up. Spend 30 minutes looking for jack stands.
- Find jack stands under caravan.
- In frustration, open another beer and drink it.
- Place drain pan under engine.
- Look for 9/16 box end wrench.
- Give up and use crescent wrench.
- Unscrew drain plug.
- Drop drain plug in pan of hot oil: splash hot oil on you in process. Curse and swear.
- Crawl out from under car to wipe hot oil off face and arms. Throw kitty litter on spilled oil.
- Have another beer while watching oil drain.
- Spend 30 minutes looking for oil filter wrench.
- Give up; crawl under car and hammer a screwdriver through oil filter and twist off.
- Crawl out from under car with dripping oil filter splashing oil everywhere from holes.
- Cleverly, hide old oil filter among trash in trash can to avoid environmental penalties.
- Install new oil filter making sure to apply a thin coat of oil to gasket surface.
- Dump first liter of fresh oil into engine.
- Remember drain plug from step 11. Hurry to find drain plug in drain pan.
- Drink beer.
- Discover that first liter of fresh oil is now on the floor. Throw kitty litter on oil spill.
- Get drain plug back in with only a minor spill. Drink beer.
- Crawl under car getting kitty litter into eyes. Wipe eyes with oily rag used to clean drain plug.
- Slip with stupid crescent wrench tightening drain plug and bang knuckles on frame removing any excess skin between knuckles and frame.
- Begin swearing fit.
- Throw stupid crescent wrench.
- Beer.
- Clean up hands and bandage as required to stop blood flow.
- Beer.
- Dump in five fresh litres of oil.
- Beer.
- Lower car from jack stands.
- Move car back to apply more kitty litter to fresh oil spilled during any missed steps.
- Beer.
- Test drive car.
- Get pulled over: arrested for driving under the influence.
- Car is impounded.
- Call loving wife, make bail.
- 12 hours later, get car from impound yard.
Money spent:
- Parts: $50.00
- DUI: $2500.00
- Impound fee: $75.00
- Bail: $1500.00
- Beer: $40.00
- Total: $4,185.00
But you know the job was done right!
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