Dumb awards....

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

J.C. Penney in hot water for selling kettle that 'looks like Hitler'

A tea kettle that bears a potential resemblance to Adolf Hitler has landed J.C. Penney in hot water.

A California billboard advertising a Michael Graves-designed kettle for sale at the store has some wondering whether they are being saluted by the Nazi dictator instead of waiting for tea to heat up.

The billboard, first noticed by Reddit users near the 405 freeway in Culver City, had readers questioning whether the similarity was just a coincidence.

On Tuesday the company made it clear that any resemblance is completely "unintentional," repeatedly tweeting the clarification at those curious about a Hitler connection.

"If we had designed it to look like something, we would have gone with a snowman or something fun," the store tweeted at numerous followers.

But any resemblance to Hitler certainly hasn't hurt business, according to J.C. Penney.

The $40 teakettle, noted for its "cool-touch handle, space-saving design and a delightful whistle," has sold out online, the company tweeted in response to a tweet by comedian Patton Oswalt.

The teakettle is still available in stores, according to the store.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Zoo Keeper Helps Constipated Monkey Pass Peanut By Licking Its Butt For An Hour

As stories about a Chinese zoo keeper licking a monkey's butt in order to save its life go, this one from chinaSMACK is by far the most endearing.

After a young Francois' leaf monkey in his care consumed a peanut that had been tossed into its enclosure, Wuhan Zoo employee Zhang Bangsheng noticed that the animal had become dangerously constipated.

Being too big to pass through the monkey's system naturally, the peanut had to be extracted manually. Apparently, that meant licking it out.

Zhang told local reporters the three-month-old lutung was too small for laxatives, so he had no choice but to extract the wayward legume with his lingua. After washing the its bottom with warm water (because not doing so would be disgusting), Zhang spent an hour polishing the monkey's pooper before the peanut finally popped out.

What became of it is up to your filthy imagination, but chinaSMACK says the caretaker subsequently "laughed with satisfaction."

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

This isn't dumb as much as it is stupid and asinine. Glad to see the Patriot Guard showing up to support this boys family!!!!

Westboro Baptist Church Threatens To Protest Oklahoma Tornado Victims Funerals, Then Doesn't Show Up

Members of the infamous Westboro Baptist Church threatened to protest at memorial services for 9-year-old Oklahoma tornado victim Nicolas McCabe, but never showed up.

The funeral took place in Moore, Oklahoma, and was also attended by a wall of counter-protester bikers called the “Patriot Guard Riders.” The riders lined the streets, creating a wall for the funeral procession of a young boy killed.

A group of roughly 500 people, including the bikers, showed up to oppose the Westboro Baptist protest. But people from Westboro never showed up.

As if protesting the funeral of a 9-year-old isn’t ridiculous enough, a tweet from Fred Phelps Jr., son of Westboro Baptist Church minister Fred Phelps singled out Oklahoma City Thunder player Kevin Durant, directly blaming him for the tornado for supporting gay player Jason Collins.

He tweeted: “OK Thunder’s Durant flips God by praising fag Collins. God smashes OK. You do the math.”

Though there is no cure for that level of stupidity or ignorance, a community “uniting against an invading force looking to exploit its misery” is pretty cool.

[Racinfan101]

Re: Dumb awards....

The world is a very strange place full off very dumb people indeed!

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Upland constable faces impersonation charges

BROOKHAVEN — An Upland constable is headed for court on charges he impersonated a police officer while confronting a double-parked neighbor in April.

Robert Dugan, 47, of the 100 block of Church Street, allegedly verbally accosted a woman who double-parked a car outside of her Church Street home on April 6. Police say the woman told them Dugan yelled obscenities at her from his car to the point that his face was turning red. Dugan is a full-time patrolman with the Delaware County Park Police and was elected to a six-year term as constable in 2009.

He allegedly said that he was an Upland Borough police officer and that if the woman didn’t move her car, he would cite her and arrest her.

After a preliminary hearing Friday in front of Magisterial District Judge C. Walter McCray III, Dugan was held for court on charges of impersonating a police officer, two counts of harassment and disorderly conduct. His formal arraignment will be June 26 at 8:30 a.m. in the Court of Common Pleas.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

'Price is Right' run foils postal carrier's worker's comp claim

GREENVILLE, N.C. — A former Fayetteville postal carrier who was receiving worker's compensation payments after injuring herself on the job pleaded guilty to fraud in federal court Monday.

Cathy Wrench Cashwell's claim that she couldn't lift mail trays into a truck due to a 2004 on-the-job shoulder injury was called into question in September 2009 when she appeared on "The Price is Right" and spun the "big wheel" twice.

According to an indictment filed in September 2012, Cashwell "raised her left arm above her head and gripped the handle with her left hand." On a second spin, she "raised both arms above her head and gripped the same handle with both hands."

In August 2010, the indictment alleges, Cashwell and her husband went ziplining as part of a Carnival Cruise vacation. She was also seen lifting and carrying furniture and bags of groceries with both arms on two different occasions in 2011.

Federal investigators say Cashwell knowingly lied when she wrote on her worker's compensation paperwork in September 2011 that she couldn't stand, sit, kneel, squat, climb, bend, reach or grasp.



Private investigator Allison Blackman said worker's compensation fraud is not uncommon.

"There's a lot of people out there not hurt who are drawing worker's comp," he said. "I've seen every kind of case you can see ... Sometimes you have to get in the woods and bushes. The secret is you've got to have your camera up, when they do what they're doing."

Blackman estimated that nearly 30 percent of worker's compensation claims in North Carolina are fraudulent.

Cashwell declined to comment Monday. She is slated for sentencing in September.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Police: Man shoots at his own home with an AR-15

LARGO --
A Largo man fired several rounds from an AR-15 into his home, according to police.

"I was defending my own house," the defendant, Douglas York, told a judge.

York was arrested early Monday morning on a felony charge of shooting at, within or into a building. A neighbor who lives behind York's home said he heard about a dozen shots.

“I woke up from a dead sleep at 2:25 in the morning and I heard 10 to 12 rounds go off," said John Johansen. “I was a little nervous when I heard the rounds. I knew they were gunshots.”
Police said York was shooting into his own home at 502 Creekview Ct. in Largo, with an AR-15, because he thought he saw people by his house. York told an officer he had injected prescription medication and had not slept in days, according to an arrest affidavit.

A neighbor who lives across the street from York said one round struck her daughter's parked car. That neighbor declined a request for an interview.

At his first appearance in court, York told the judge he was not taking any medication for a mental illness and had just fallen on hard times.

”I’ve just had a very tough time in my life," York said. "I’ve hit bottom with the foreclosure and things like that and the building of the creek behind my house.”

The judge decided to lower York's bond from $10,000 to $7,500 because he does not have a prior record. The judge also told York that he's not allowed to drink alcohol or possess a gun if he bonds out of the Pinellas County jail.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Barbara Van Patten goes berserk at Weeki Wachee River, dragged off in handcuffs

Spring Hill, Florida -- What was supposed to be a nice day on the river with her two kids became a day from hell for one mother after another woman in her rented canoe reportedly went crazy.

Hernando Sheriff's deputies say Barbara Van Patten was riding along in the rented canoe with Shana, Shana's two children, and a tour guide when she decided to jump out of the canoe and head into restricted waters.

The tour guide then called the water park manager David Hramika to help. When Hramika arrived, Van Patten, who appeared to be intoxicated, went back to the canoe and got inside, but she wasn't happy about it, and rocked the boat until it flipped over dumping everyone into the water.

Hramika grabbed the kids and put them back into the up-righted canoe, along with their mother, but this time put Van Patten into his canoe. While trying to get back to the park, he told police she started calling him names and slapped him in the chest several times. She also continued to rock the boat to try to flip it. At one point, she even got her hands on David's phone and chucked it into the river.

Once they got back to the park and deputies took over, they reported Van Patten, 36, became combative and dragged her feet as she was taking to the patrol car. She was finally taken away and charged with battery, resisting arrest without violence and false ID by arrest.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Drunken Brooklyn lawyer tossed her panties at cops during berserk rant: police

A boozy Brooklyn lawyer tried to skip out on a $6 taxi fare — then was busted after stripping off her panties and tossing them at cops while screaming profanities, police said.

Cops they found a very drunk Stephanie Hendricks, 39 — who has clerked for an Oregon Supreme Court justice and served as a Blackmun Fellow — in front of a Williamsburg deli after she bolted from a yellow cab at around 2:30 a.m. Saturday.

The bawdy barrister, who lives with her churchgoing mom in Flatlands, pulled off her panties, showed cops her lady parts, then lunged at them and yelled, “Suck my p---y,’’ and, “Eat my ass, you f--king pigs!” police said.

Benny J. Stumbo
SOBERED UP:A contrite Stephanie Hendricks yesterday says she doesn’t remember what she told cops in a drunken rage on Saturday.
“Normally we don’t see people cursing a police officer,” deli owner Mohammad Rahman, 54, told The Post. “But then she opened her clothes in front of the police officer, in front of us. She looked crazy,”

“She . . . showed everything to the cop . . . She had no panties.

“The cops were saying, ‘Calm down, lady. Calm down. Be cool,’ ” Rahman said.

The incident was captured on the deli’s surveillance video, which shows Hendricks charging out of the shop, her butt exposed, and lunging at officers.

The lawyer, who runs a small private practice in Downtown Brooklyn, was slapped with a slew of charges, including theft of services, resisting arrest, disorderly conduct and exposure.

“My boyfriend broke up with me,” an embarrassed Hendricks explained yesterday to The Post. “I went out. I got drunk. I had a bad night.

“It was obviously an altercation, but I have no recollection from a certain point in the evening.

“Everyone was in a festive mood,” she said. “Things were flowing. Then things got out of control. I was wasted — all caps bold. You couldn’t get bigger, all caps bold, wasted.”


She said she regrets her behavior and tried to apologize to police yesterday.

She worries that her sloppy antics will sink her career.

“I’m a sole practitioner,” Hendricks said, sobbing. “I solicit business from the public.”

Two of her clients were befuddled by the wacky incident.

“Wow, that’s an absolutely bizarre story to hear,” one said, while another added, “I’m completely shocked and appalled to hear this because that doesn’t sound like her in the least.”

The client described Hendricks as a hardworking professional whom she has recommended to many business colleagues.

According to Hendricks’ Web site, she has given legal talks at several New York State Bar Association conferences and served on their committees.

“Everybody has something like this happened to them,” the lawyer reasoned, “Life will go on. I will survive.”

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

So the Darwin awards are out!! Thanks to Randy Young for sending these to me!!

The Darwin 's are out!!!!
Yes, it's that magical time of year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.

Here is the glorious winner

1. When his 38 caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victim during a hold-up in Long Beach , California would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked.

And now, the honorable mentions:

2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cutting machine and after a little shopping around, submitted a claim to his insurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and he also lost a finger... The chef's claim was approved.

3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.

4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies... The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.

5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train.. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.

6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?]

7. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly.. He decided that he'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape...

8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."

9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti , Michigan at 5 A.M., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast.... The man, frustrated, walked away.[*A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER]

10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street by sucking on a hose, he got much more than he bargained for... Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline, but he plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.

In the interest of bettering mankind, please share these with friends and family....unless of course one of these individuals by chance is a distant relative or long lost friend. In that case, be glad they are distant and hope they remain so...

*** Remember.... They walk among us, they can reproduce..

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Chad "Ochocinco" Johnson Arrested, Sentenced to 30 Days in Jail

Ex-NFL star Chad Johnson -- formerly known as Chad Ochocinco -- was arrested and sentenced to 30 days in jail on Monday, June 10, after getting kicked out of a courtroom for slapping his lawyer's butt. The incident occurred in Broward County, Fla., where Johnson, 35, was in court to face charges of violating probation following his 2012 domestic violence case with ex-wife Evelyn Lozada.

According to TMZ, Johnson's male attorney was close to finalizing a "favorable" deal that would have mandated community service and counseling instead of jail time. However, those terms were taken off the table when, in response to the judge asking if he was satisfied with his lawyer, Johnson reportedly gave the attorney a playful swat on his rear. The courtroom erupted in laughter -- but the judge took offense to the gesture.

"I don't know that you're taking this whole thing seriously," ABC News quoted the judge as saying. "I just saw you slap your attorney on the backside. Is there something funny about this? The whole courtroom was laughing. I'm not going to accept these plea negotiations. This isn't a joke."

Johnson attempted to apologize -- but to no avail. "This is your courtroom. I have no intent to make this a joke. It's not funny," he reportedly said. "My life is in a shambles right now, and I try my best to laugh and keep a smile on my face."

Appalled at his behavior, the judge threw out the original deal and instead sentenced Johnson to spend 30 days in jail. Additionally, his probation was extended until Dec. 21, 2013, and he must complete 25 hours of community service.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Baron Calmese Admits He Stole From Piggy Bank of Nephew, 4, To Buy Drugs, Prostitutes

"Man, I bought a piece of ass and some heroin" was the incredibly charming response Baron Calmese allegedly gave police when they asked him last year why he stole money straight from his nephew's piggy bank.
Given that statement on record it's not a huge surprise that, many months later, Calmese, a 31-year-old Clayton man, formally pleaded guilty to the unbelievable offense of stealing hundreds of dollars from a four-year-old child.

Straight from the little boy's piggy bank!

As we recounted last year, Calmese was living with his sister in Spanish Lake at the time and reportedly asked her if he could borrow some quarters from his nephew's piggy back.

His sister said he could take two dollars.

Instead, he took all of it.

This apparently very frugal four-year-old entrepreneur had managed to collect a whopping total of around $500 in coins and cash, police say, until his uncle decided to take all of it for himself.

He pleaded guilty on Friday to theft of between $500 and $25,000.

A sentencing hearing is scheduled for June 28.

Calmese earned a prestigious spot on RFT's ten dumbest criminals of 2012 list. There's a lot of competition.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Man burned while siphoning gasoline with shop vac

PALM BAY, Fla. —A man suffered serious burn injuries Sunday evening while using a shop vacuum to siphon gasoline from a vehicle.

Palm Bay spokeswoman Yvonne Martinez reports that the flash fire occurred around 7:15 p.m. in the 1300 block of Waffle Street.

According to Martinez, a witness saw "his neighbor on fire and running out of the house."

Family members took the victim to a hospital. Palm Bay firefighters put out the fire in the garage, which caused an estimated $20,000 damage to the house.

An investigation revealed that the man was siphoning the gasoline from the car with the shop vacuum, with the garage door closed. Martinez said the fire appears to be the result of gasoline fumes accumulating inside the closed garage, which were ignited by the vacuum.

The victim was transferred to the Orlando Regional Medical Center Burn Center.

Palm Bay Fire and police investigators are working the case.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Man arrested for throwing firecracker into street during investigation

A suspicious package that closed Washington Street in downtown Iowa City for several hours Sunday evening was not a bomb, investigators said Monday.

While the package contents — which included several pieces of paper — still are being investigated by local and FBI officials, a news release from Iowa City Police said the package did not contain a bomb.

“It has been determined that the suspicious package was not a bomb or incendiary device and at no time was the safety of the public jeopardized,” the release said.

Police first responded about 7 p.m. Sunday to the report of a suspicious package in a newspaper box at the intersection of Washington and Dubuque streets. Bomb squad officials destroyed the package using machinery that forced water into the package at high speed.

While officials were investigating the package, an Iowa City man set off a firecracker and was arrested for his actions.

Steven Crittenden, 32, is accused of throwing a “silver bomb cracker” onto Dubuque Street about 11:30 p.m. Sunday while the Johnson County Metro Bomb Squad investigated the suspicious package near US Bank, 204 E. Washington St., according to an Iowa City Police criminal complaint.

Iowa City Police Sgt. Vicki Lalla said that although possessing and setting off fireworks is illegal, the timing of Crittenden’s decision did not help matters.

“I think it goes without saying that his decision was pretty foolhardy,” Lalla said.

The complaint states that Crittenden, a resident of Dolphin Lake Point Enclave, 2401 Highway 6 E., threw the firecracker into the street near Deadwood Tavern, 6 S. Dubuque St., and went back into the bar. Crittenden later left the bar and refused to answer questions from officers, according to the complaint.

Crittenden admitted to drinking but refused a search and blood-alcohol test and was arrested, according to the complaint. Two more “silver bomb crackers” were found in his possession, police said.

Crittenden has been charged with reckless use of fire/explosives, a serious misdemeanor.

Three other related charges — possessing fireworks, interference with official acts and public intoxication — were dropped after Crittenden’s appearance before a judge Monday morning.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Dumb awards....

Naples man attacked over neighborhood rules

NAPLES -
A Naples man was arrested after deputies said he attacked his neighbor for not putting his garbage can in the proper place and for parking his car on the street.

Collier County deputies arrested 65-year-old David Lawrence Berger on Friday afternoon.

The victim, Mark Anthony Santos, who lives across the street from Berger, told deputies he was being harassed by Berger because he parked his car on the street and placed his trashcans in the wrong spot.

Santos told deputies that Berger and his wife had confronted him days before the attack.

Days later, as Santos got into his car, which was parked on the street, Santos said Berger appeared at his window and began to hit his roof with a mallet and punch his window and began to swear and cuss at him, according to the report.

Santos told deputies that he pulled out his cell phone and began to record the attack, which was seen by deputies.

Santos then pulled up to an off-duty deputy's nearby home, and when he got out of his car, Berger continued to attack him.

Deputies said the video showed Berger reaching into the rolled down window and punching Santos.

Berger's wife told deputies that Santos was in violation of H.O.A. rules.