Bad joke thread....

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Now that is a profound question!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Lot at steak for the answer

[RACNRAY]

Little johnny

Little Johnny walks past his parents bedroom, they were havin sex and forgot to close the door. He asked his parents what were they doin? They answered that they were making him a little brother or sister.

Little Johnny responded..."dad why don't you flip her over and do her doggie style cuz I'd really rather have a PUPPY"!!!

RACNRAY

[RACNRAY]

89 yo shop lifter

An 89 year old woman was arrested for shop lifting.
When she went before the judge, he asked her, “What did you steal?”

She replied, “A can of peaches.”

The judge asked her why she had stolen the can of peaches?”

She replied she was hungry.

Then the judge asked her how many peaches were in the can.

She replied, “Six.”

The judge said, “Then I will give you six days in jail.”

Before the judge could actually pronounce the punishment, the woman’s husband spoke up and asked the judge if he could say something on his wife’s behalf.

The judge said, “What is it?

The husband said, “She also stole a can of peas.”

[ggale]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Two cans in fact. !!!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Bill showed up at Mass one Sunday & the priest nearly fell down when he saw him. He'd never been to church in his life. After Mass, the priest caught up with him & said, Bill, I am so glad ya decided to come to Mass. What made ya come?"

Bill said, "I got to be honest with you Father. A while back, I misplaced me hat & I really, really love that hat. I know that McGlynn had a hat just like mine & I knew he came to church every Sunday. I also knew that he had to take off his hat during Mass & figured he would leave it in the back of church. So, I was going to leave after Communion & steal McGlynn's hat."

The priest said, "WELL, BILL, I NOTICE THAT YA DIDN'T STEAL McGLYNN'S HAT. WHAT CHANGED YOUR MIND?"

Bill replied, "Well, after I heard your sermon on the 10 Commandments I decided that I didn't need to steal McGlynn's hat after all."

With a tear in his eye, the priest gave Bill a big smile & said, "After I talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Steal' ya decided you would rather do without your hat than burn in hell, eh?"

Bill slowly shook his head. "No, Father, after ya talked about 'Thou Shalt Not Commit Adultery', I remembered where I left me hat."

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Bill's in trouble!! LOL!!

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A young man with his pants hanging half off his ass, two gold front teeth, and a half inch thick gold chain around his neck; walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check.
He marched up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job. I don't like taking advantage of the System, getting something for nothing."
The social worker behind the counter said "Your timing is excellent. We Just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter.
You'll have to drive around in his 2012 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes."
"Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips.
This is rather awkward to say, but you will also have, as part of your job, the assignment to satisfy her sexual urges as the daughter is in her mid-20's and has a rather strong sex drive."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well... You started it."....

[Inkydoggy]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A guy takes a job up in Alaska on the pipeline and works for about 1 month. He finally gets into town to the local bar and asks the bar tender where he could find a woman. The bar tender tells him there are no women up this far north but there is always Charlie. The guy gets steaming mad and says I don't go for that crap and leaves.

He works for another 2 months then gets back to the same local bar and asks again if he could get any women. The bar tender said I told you last time there are no women this far north but there's always Charlie. The guy once again says I don't go for that crap and leaves again.

The guy works for 6 months more and gets back to the same bar again and tells the bar tender I am going crazy so if you can get me Charlie do it now. The bar tender told him that will cost you $500.00

The guy says why the hell is it so much? The bar tender told him that it was $300.00 for Charlie and $100.00 each for the 2 guys that hold Charlie down because Charlie don't go for that crap either!

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Charlie I think needs to leave town!!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Same scenario as Charlie except in the dessert and bartender tells the guy "for lovin they use the camel" to which he earnestly refuses. After many months he can't take it any more and arranges to get the camel. When the task is done the guy goes back in the bar for a drink and a cigarette. Surprised the bartender asks, "I thought you were heading into town with the camel" ?

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

I confess I had to read that last one twice...then I let out a good laugh!

[ggale]

Re: Bad joke thread....

BAhahahahaha that is a great one.

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Two old bikers were in a biker bar talking, and one says to the other,
"You ever notice after you have sex with a young woman that your eyes
tear up, your nose starts to run and your chest gets tight and it's
really hard to breathe?"
The second greybeard says, "Yeah, all the time."
The first one asked, "Why is that?"
The second says, "I'm pretty sure it's the pepper spray."

[Ice Cube]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Wasn't expecting the ending.