Bad joke thread....

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Indeed!! A salesman among salesmen!!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A husband went to the police station to file a "missing person" report for his missing wife:
Husband: My wife is missing; she went shopping and hasn't come back yet.
Inspector: What is her height ?
Husband: No idea.
Inspector: Slim or healthy?
Husband: Not slim, so probably healthy.
Inspector: Color of eyes?
Husband: Never really noticed.
Inspector: Color of hair?
Husband: Changes according to season.
Inspector: What was she wearing?
Husband: Not sure . It may have been a dress or maybe trousers and a top.
Inspector: Was she driving?
Husband: Yes.
Inspector: Type and color of the car?
Husband: A silver Audi A8 with 4.2 liter V8 TDI engine generating 321 horse power teamed with a 6 speed tiptronic automatic transmission with manual mode. It has full adaptive LED headlights, which use light emitting diodes for all light functions. It has a very thin scratch on the front left door. At this point, the husband starts crying.
Inspector: Don't worry sir. We will find your car.

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A man walks into a restaurant with a full-grown ostrich behind him.

The waitress asks them for their orders.

The man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke,’ and turns to the ostrich, ‘What’s yours?’ ‘I’ll have the same,’ says the ostrich.

A short time later the waitress returns with the order ‘That will be $9.40 please,’

and the man reaches into his pocket and pulls out the exact change for payment.

The next day, the man and the ostrich come again and the man says, ‘A hamburger, fries and a coke’

The ostrich says, ‘I’ll have the same’

Again the man reaches into his pocket and pays with exact change.

This becomes routine until the two enter again.

‘The usual?’ asks the waitress.

‘No, this is Friday night, so I will have a steak, baked potato

and a salad,’ says the man.

‘Same,’ says the ostrich.

Shortly the waitress brings the order and says, ‘That will be $32.62.’

Once again the man pulls the exact change out of his pocket and places it on the table.

The waitress cannot hold back her curiosity any longer.

‘Excuse me, sir. How do you manage to always come up with the exact change in your pocket every time?

‘Well,’ says the man, ‘several years ago I was cleaning the attic and found an old lamp.

When I rubbed it, a Genie appeared and offered me two wishes.

My first wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,

I would just put my hand in my pocket and the right amount of money would always be there.’

‘That’s brilliant!’ says the waitress.

Most people would ask for a million dollars or something, but you’ll always be as rich as you want for as long as you live.

It’s brilliant!”

That’s right.

Whether it’s a gallon of milk or a Rolls Royce, the exact amount of money is always there,’ says the man.

The waitress asks, ‘What’s with the ostrich?’

The man sighs, pauses and answers,

‘My second wish was for a tall chick with a big butt & long legs who agrees with everything I say’

MORAL OF THE STORY: Men are brilliant until they think about a woman!

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Hahahaha!! Those are GOOD, Bad ones!!

[ggale]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Love them both )))

[Budro]

Re: Bad joke thread....

So I walked into the bedroom while my wife was laying there readin' a book. I had a glass of water in one hand, and 2 asprin in the other. She looked up and said whats that for ? I don't have a headache. I shouted yipee, finally!!! I remember wakin' up on the bedroom floor.

[ggale]

Re: Bad joke thread....

But she did have a bat next to the bed.

[Steammaker]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Senior Wedding: Jacob, age 81 and Rebecca,age 80, living in Florida, are all excited about their decision to get married. They go for a stroll to discuss the wedding, and on the way they pass a drugstore. Jacob suggests they go in.
Jacob addresses the man behind the counter:
"Are you the owner?" l
...The pharmacist answers, "Yes."
Jacob: "We're about to get married. Do you sell heart medication?"
Pharmacist: "Of course, we do."
Jacob: "How about medicine for circulation?"
Pharmacist: "All kinds."
Jacob: "Medicine for rheumatism?"
Pharmacist: "Definitely."
Jacob: "How about suppositories?"
Pharmacist: "You bet!"
Jacob: "Medicine for memory problems, arthritis and Alzheimer's?"
Pharmacist: "Yes, a large variety. The Works."
Jacob: "What about vitamins, sleeping pills, Geritol, antidotes for Parkinson's disease?"
Pharmacist: "Absolutely."
Jacob: "Everything for heartburn and indigestion?"
Pharmacist: "We sure do."
Jacob: "You sell wheelchairs and walkers and canes?"
Pharmacist: "All speeds and sizes."
Jacob: "Adult diapers?"
Pharmacist: "Sure."
Jacob: "We'd like to use this store as our Bridal Registry."

[Steammaker]

Re: Bad joke thread....

One more to go with the good ones on this thread already...

Audrey-Anne, the hillbilly said to her friend, "You know, my boy's real smart!" He's only five but already spell his name backwards and forwards!"
"What's his name?" asked the friend.
Audrey-Anne replied ,"Bob."

[ggale]

Re: Bad joke thread....

I will keep that in mind for Wedding Adversary Gifts. Bahahahah !

[DaBull]

Re: Bad joke thread....

those are great

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

I just realized why my kids keep giving me pharmacy gift cards...

[Steammaker]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A DEA Agent stopped at a ranch in Texas and talked to an old rancher. He told the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown drugs." The rancher... said, "okay, but don't go into that field over there...", as he pointed out the location. The DEA Agent verbally exploded and said, "look mister, I have the authority of the federal government with me!" Reaching into his rear back pocket, the arrogant officer removed his badge and proudly displayed it to the rancher. "See this badge?! This badge means I can go wherever I want... On any land! No questions asked, no answers given! Do you understand old man?!"
The rancher kindly nodded, apologized, and went about his chores. Moments later the rancher heard loud screams, he looked up and saw the DEA agent running for his life, being chased by the ranchers big Santa Gertrudis Bull...... With every step the bull was gaining ground on the officer, and it was likely that he'd sure enough get gored before he reached safety. The officer was clearly terrified. The old rancher threw down his tools, ran as fast as he could to the fence, and yelled at the top of his lungs......
"YOUR BADGE! SHOW HIM YOUR BADGE!"

[Steammaker]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A couple had been married for 50 years.They were sitting at the breakfast table one morning when the wife says, 'Just think, fifty years ago we were sitting here at this breakfast table together.''I know,' the old man said. 'We were probably sitting here naked as a jaybird fifty years ago..' 'Well,' Granny snickered. 'Let's relive some old times.'Where upon, the two stripped to the buff and sat down at the table.'You know, honey,' the little old lady breathlessly replied, 'My nipples are as hot for you today as they were fifty years ago.''I wouldn't be surprised,' replied Gramps. 'One's in your coffee and the other is in your oatmeal'

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Oh My!! Hahahahahaha!! Those were good!!!!