Bad joke thread....

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

what should he do…

The doctor had sex with one of his patients and felt guilty all day long. No matter how much he tried to forget about it, he just couldn't. The guilt and sense of betrayal of his patient were overwhelming.

But every once in a while he'd hear an internal, reassuring voice in his head that said: "Don't worry about it. You aren't the first medical practitioner to have sex with one of his patients and you won't be the last. And you're single. Just let it go."

But, invariably, another voice in his head would bring him back to reality, whispering: "You're a veterinarian, you sick bastard."

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Oh Jeeeez! That is just wrong!! LOL!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Hahaha!!!!!!!

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

That was good! Sounds like my Dad!

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

well here is my first contribution to this thread hope y'all like it


A woman is having an affair during the day while her husband is at
work. Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and
hides in the bedroom closet to watch.
The woman’s husband also comes home.
She puts her lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there already.
The little boy says, “Dark in here.”
The man says, “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball.”
Man – “That’s nice.”
Boy – “Want to buy it?”
Man – “No, thanks.”
Boy – “My dad’s outside.”
Man – “OK, how much?”
Boy – “$250″
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are
in the closet together.
Boy – “Dark in here.”
Man – “Yes, it is.”
Boy – “I have a baseball glove.”
The lover remembering the last time, asks the boy, “How much?”
Boy – “$750″
Man – “Fine.”
A few days later, the father says to the boy, “Grab your glove, let’s go
outside and have a game of catch.” The boy says, “I can’t, I sold my
baseball and my glove.” The father asks, “How much did you sell them
for?”
Boy – “$1,000″
The father says, “That’s terrible to overcharge your friends like
that…that is way more than those two things cost. I’m going to take
you to church and make you confess.”
They go to the church and the father makes the little boy sit in the
confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, “Dark in here.”
The priest says, “Don’t start that **** again.”

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

HA! Thats Good!

[Guest]

Got a good chuckle out of that one!


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

did u hear the one about the cannable who passed his brother in the woods ???????????????

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Who's in Charge ?
Warning: Contents may amuse.

All the organs of the body were having a meeting,
trying to decide who was the one in charge.


"I should be in charge," said the brain, "Because I run all the body's systems, so without me nothing would happen."


"I should be in charge," said the blood, "Because I circulate oxygen all over so without me you'd all waste away."

"I should be in charge," said the stomach," Because I process food and give all of you energy."

"I should be in charge," said the legs, "because I carry the body wherever it needs to go."

"I should be in charge," said the eyes, "Because I allow the body to see where it goes."


"I should be in charge," said the rectum, "Because I'm responsible for waste removal."

All the other body parts laughed at the rectum
and insulted him,
so in a huff, he shut down tight.
Within a few days, the brain had a terrible headache,
the stomach was bloated,
the legs got wobbly,
the eyes got watery,
and the blood was toxic.
They all decided that the rectum should be the boss
.
The Moral of the story?

Even though the others do all the work..


The ass hole is usually in charge

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Donald & Daisy


Donald Duck and Daisy Duck were spending the night together in a hotel room and Donald wanted to have sex with Daisy.


The first thing Daisy asked was, "Do you have a condom?"


Donald frowned and said, "No."


Daisy told Donald that if he didn't get a condom, they could not have sex.


"Maybe they sell them at the front desk," she suggested.



So Donald went down to the lobby and asked the hotel clerk if they had condoms.



"Yes, we do," the clerk said and pulled a box out from under the counter and gave it to Donald.



The clerk asked, "Would you like me to put them on your bill?"


"Thit No!" Donald quacked, "I'll thuffocate!"

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Three Bikers, a Honda Rider, a BMW Rider and a Harley Rider were sitting in a sauna. Suddenly, there was a continuing beeping sound.


The Honda Rider pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly. “That was my pager, “he said, “I have a micro chip under the skin of my arm.”


A few minutes later a phone rang.
The BMW Rider lifted his palm to his ear. When he finished he explained, “That was my mobile phone. I have a micro chip in my hand.”


The Harley Rider felt decidedly low tech. Not to be outdone, he decided he had to do something just as impressive. He stepped out of the sauna and went to the bathroom. He returned with a piece of toilet paper hanging from his butt.

The others raised their eyebrows and stared at him.

The Harley Rider finally declared… “Well, will you look at that, I’m getting a fax!” -

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

I raced a Harley today and after some really hard riding I managed to PASS
the guy. I was riding on one of those really, really twisting sections of a
canyon road with no straight sections to speak of and where most of the
curves have warning signs that say "15 MPH".

I knew if I was going to pass one of those monsters with those
big-cubic-inch motors, it would have to be a place like this where handling
and rider skill are more important than horsepower alone.

I saw the guy up ahead as I exited one of the turns and knew I could catch
him, but it wouldn't be easy. I concentrated on my braking and cornering.
Three corners later, I was on his fender. Catching him was one thing;
passing him would prove to be another.

Two corners later, I pulled up next to him as we sailed down the mountain. I
think he was shocked to see me next to him, as I nearly got by him before he
could recover. Next corner, same thing. I'd manage to pull up next to him as
we started to enter the corners but when we came out he'd get on the
throttle and outpower me. His horsepower was almost too much to overcome,
but this only made me more determined than ever.

My only hope was to outbrake him. I held off squeezing the lever until the
last instant. I kept my nerve while he lost his. In an instant I was by him.
Corner after corner, I could hear the roar of his engine as he struggled to
keep up.

Three more miles to go before the road straightens out and he would pass me
for good.

But now I was in the lead and he would no longer hold me back. I stretched
out my lead and by the time we reached the bottom of the canyon, he was more
than a full corner behind. I could no longer see him in my rear-view mirror.

Once the road did straighten out, it seemed like it took miles before he
passed me, but it was probably just a few hundred yards. I was no match for
that kind of horsepower, but it was done. In the tightest section of road,
where bravery and skill count for more than horsepower and deep pockets, I
had passed him. though it was not easy, I had won the race to the bottom of
the canyon and I had preserved the proud tradition of one of the best bits
of britiron.

I will always remember that moment. I don't think I've ever pedalled so hard
in my life. And some of the credit must go to Raleigh cycles, as well. They
really make a great bicycle...

This image has been resized. Click this bar to view the full image.

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Harley jokes

Harley-Davidson: The most efficient way to convert gasoline into noise without the adverse side effect of horsepower.

Did you know 95% of all Harleys are still on the road?
The other 5% actually made it home.

Is it true that Harleys are chick magnets?
Yes, but only if the chick has a steel plate in her head.

What's the cheapest way to get another 50hp from your Harley?
Trade it in on a Triumph

Why don't Harley riders sit on their bikes when the sidestands are down?
They're afraid to lean over that far.

What's the difference between a Harley and a Harley owner's home?
The Harley costs more and has fewer wheels.

How do you now you're riding a Harley?
While coming off an exit-ramp you get passed by a Vespa.

Why don't Harley riders wave at sportbike riders?
Because they don't want to drop their tools.

How do you know all the aftermarket parts you bought for your Harley are worth the money?
You finally break into the 15's in the quarter mile.

Where can you find the world's largest collection of Harley jokes?
At Sturgis

What do you call a group of Harley Owners with a collective IQ of 120?
Sturgis!

How do Harley engineers tell if a bike is worthy of the Harley name?
They check to make sure the exhaust noise in decibels exceeds the horsepower rating.

Why don't Harley owners smile?
Once you realized you got conned into paying $25,000 for an outdated piece of $#!+ would YOU be smiling?

What's the difference between a Harley Davidson and a vacuum cleaner?
The location of the dirtbags.

Why do Harleys have fringe?
So you can tell if they're moving.

How do you know your Harley is handling great?
You can almost keep up with the logging trucks when you're riding in the
canyons.

How is a Harley Davidson like an old dog?
They both like to ride in the back of pickup trucks.

What is the difference between a Harley Davidson and an old dog?
The dog can get in the back of the pickup by itself.

Why couldn't the Harley mechanic repair the doorknob?
Some things just can't be fixed with only a hammer and a rope.

What's the difference between a Harley taken to Daytona on a trailer and one that's being ridden there?
The one on the trailer is going about 30mph faster.

Why do all Harley owners have trailers??
So they can go around corners faster!

You know you're a Harley rider if...

....you're unable to let your bike simply IDLE at a stop light.

....you confuse the word "character" with the more accurate term
"engineering flaws."

...."water cooled" means standing on the side of the road, in the rain, waiting for a your buddy to come in his pickup truck.

[TreyTaylorVN750]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Amy, a blond Texan city girl, marries a Texas rancher...



One morning, on his way out to check on the cows the rancher says to Amy,

"The artificial insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today.

I drove a nail into the two-by-four just above the cow's stall in the barn.

You show him where the cow is when he gets here, okay?"


So the rancher leaves for the fields.

After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front

door. Amy takes him down to the barn. They walk along long row of cows

and when she sees the nail, she tells him, "This is the one...right here."

Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy blonde, the man asks,

"Tell me little lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?"



That's simple. By the nail over its stall," Amy explains very confidently.

Then the man asks, "What's the nail for?"

She turns to walk away, and with complete confidence, says:





~




~


"I guess it's to hang your pants on..."