Bad joke thread....

[fishgoblue]

Re: Bad joke thread....

That was a good one.

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

On a bitterly cold winter's morning a husband and wife in Minneapolis
were listening to the radio during breakfast.
They heard the announcer say,
"We are going to have 8 to 10 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the even-numbered side of the street,
so that the snow-plough(snow-plow) can get through."

So the good wife went out and moved her car as instructed.

A week later while they are eating breakfast again, the radio announcer
said,
"We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today.
You must park your car on the odd-numbered side of the street, so that the
snow-plough(snow-plow) can get through."

The good wife went out and moved her car again.

The next week they are again having breakfast when the radio announcer says,
"We are expecting 12 to 14 inches of snow today. You must park ..."
Then the power went off.

The good wife was very upset, and with a worried look on her face she said,
"I don't know what to do.
Which side of the street do I need to park on so that the
snow-plough(snow-plow)
can get through?"

Then, with all the love and understanding in his voice that men who are
married
to blondes always exhibit, the husband replied,
"Why don't you just leave the car in the garage this time?"

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Abe and Esther are flying to Australia for a two-week vacation to celebrate their 50th anniversary.

Suddenly, over the public address system, the Captain announces, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I'm afraid I have some very bad news... Our engines have ceased functioning and we will attempt an emergency landing. Luckily, I see an uncharted island below us and we should be able to land on the beach. However, the odds are that we may never be rescued and will have to live on the island for the rest of our lives!"


Thanks to the skill of the flight crew, the plane lands safely on the island.

An hour later Abe turns to his wife and asks, "Esther, did we pay our VISA and MasterCard bills yet?"

"No, sweetheart," she responds.

Abe, still shaken from the crash landing, then asks, "Esther, did we pay our American Express card yet?"

"Oh, no! I'm sorry. I forgot to send the check," she says.

"One last thing Esther. Did you remember to send the estimate check to the IRS this quarter?" he asks.

"Oh, forgive me, Abe," begged Esther. "I didn't send that one, either."

Abe grabs her and gives her the biggest kiss in 40 years.
Esther pulls away and asks him, "What was that for?"

Abe answers, "They'll find us!"

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Don!! More good bad ones!!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Some one liners for you:
What do you call a man with no arms and no legs who gets in a fight with a cat?
Claude.
"Two men walked into a bar. The third one ducked."
Why don't blind men skydive?
Because it scares the s*** out of the dog

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

LOL - I confess I had to think about the first one for a second.....or two!

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

LOL Those never get old

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Whats a Golden Lab and a Harley Davidson have in common, They both like to ride in the back of a pick up. Its a oldie but a goodie

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

WARNING- Adult Content

Biker Bob went to visit his buddy Biker Jim in Japan. They met each other at the airport and after a great meal, Biker Jim decided to treat his friend to a good time at the local whore house. He walked in and picked out a young lady for his friend Biker Bob. As soon as they reached the room, he started ripping her clothes off and going to town. Moaning and grunting, the girl was screaming in Japanese, "fuuka ho-ru! fuuka ho-ru!" He was sure that she was praising him for his good job, so he kept going faster and harder than ever.

The next day Biker Bob decided to treat his friend Biker Jim to a game of golf as a big thank you for the night before. When they were out on the 9th hole Biker Jim got a hole in one and Biker Bob decided to impress his old friend with his new knowledge of the local language so he raised his arms and shouted, "fuuka ho-ru! fuuka ho-ru!"

Biker Jim glanced over at his old friend, scratching his head and stared at him quizzically. He then looked at the flag, the green and the score card and said "Whatcha mean 'wrong hole'?"

[markstep]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: 'I'm looking for the man who shot my paw.'

[markstep]

Re: Bad joke thread....

What's the difference between a woman and a terrorist? You can negotiate with a terrorist.

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Ha Ha!! More good bad ones!

[markstep]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A border patrol officer is patrolling the border between the United States and Canada one night when a man drives up on a motorcycle. The officer stops the man and asks, "What do you have in that backpack there?" The man replies, "Sand." "Sand?" the officer says puzzled, "Please open the bag sir." The man opens the bag and there is sand. "Alright, you may go on your way then, the officer said with a puzzled look.” The man then drives off into the darkness. The next week, the same man on his motorcycle drives up to the same station that he did before. He says that there is sand in the bag and, sure enough, there is. The man drives up on a motorcycle with sand in his bag every week for a couple of months. The officer starts to think, "This guy is trying to smuggle something and I am going to be the one that catches him." The next time the man drives up to the station, the officer says, "I promise, I'm not going to arrest you. But just tell me. Are you trying to smuggle something or not?" "Do you swear you won't take me in?" the man replies. "I promise," says the officer. "Well, I am ashamed to admit it but, I have been smuggling something," the man says. The officer asks curiously, "What have you been smuggling?" The man replies with a grin, "Motorcycles."

[fishgoblue]

Re: Bad joke thread....

I had no idea where that was going, pretty good.

[markstep]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Far away in the tropical waters of the Caribbean, two prawns were swimming around in the sea - one called Justin and the other called Christian. The prawns were constantly being harassed and threatened by sharks that patrolled the area.

Finally one day Justin said to Christian, "I'm bored and frustrated at being a prawn, I wish I was a shark, then I wouldn't have any worries about being eaten..."

As Justin had his mind firmly on becoming a predator, a mysterious cod appears and says, "Your wish is granted", and lo and behold, Justin turned into a shark. Horrified, Christian immediately swam away, Afraid of being eaten by his old mate.

Time went on (as it invariably does...) and Justin found himself becoming bored and lonely as a shark. All his old mates simply swam away whenever he came close to them. Justin didn't realize that his new menacing appearance was the cause of his sad plight. While out swimming alone one day he sees the mysterious cod again and can't believe his luck. Justin figured that the fish could change him back into a prawn. He begs the cod to change him back so, lo and behold, he is turned back into a prawn.

With tears of joy in his tiny little eyes, Justin swam back to his friends and bought them all a cocktail. (The punch line does not involve a prawn cocktail - it's much worse). Looking around the gathering at the reef, he searched for his old pal. "Where's Christian?" he asked.

“He's at home, distraught that his best friend changed sides to the enemy and became a shark", came the reply.
Eager to put things right again and end the mutual pain and torture, he set off to Christian's house. As he opened the coral gate the memories came flooding back. He banged on the door and shouted, "It's me, Justin, your old friend, come out and see me again."

“Christian replied, "No way man, you'll eat me. You're a shark; the enemy and I'll not be tricked. " Justin cried back

"No, I'm not. That was the old me. I've changed."...(Wait for it) . . .
....."I've found Cod - I'm a prawn again Christian".
.