Bad joke thread....

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me "Bubba."

Hahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Dan was a single guy living at home with his
father and working in the family business.

When he found out he was going to inherit a
fortune when his sickly father died, he decided
he needed to find a wife with whom to share his fortune.

One evening, at an investment meeting, he
spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.
Her natural beauty took his breath away

"I may look like just an ordinary guy," he said
to her, "but in just a few years, my father
will die and I will inherit $200 million."

Impressed, the woman asked for his business
card and three days later, she became his stepmother.

Women are so much better at financial planning than men.

[ggale]

Re: Bad joke thread....

yes they are !!! but they blow it on jewelry / big house / toys and stuff. we just buy cars/ bikes / hookers.. !! LOL

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

It's been a while, so here is one for you.

A man didn't like his haircut, but it started to grow on him.

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Two atoms are walking down the street together. The first atom turns and says, "Hey, you just stole an electron from me!"

"Are you sure?" asks the second atom.

To which the first atom replies, "Yeah, I'm positive!"

[dmyers]

boooo!!!

don myers

[geekbiker]

Re: Bad joke thread....

What's the difference between a Harley and a porcupine? The porcupine has more pricks on its back.

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A blonde goes to Frank's pet store in search of an 'exotic' pet.. As she looks about the store, she notices a box FULL of frogs. The sign says:

'SEX FROGS'



Only $20 each!
Comes with 'complete' instructions..


The girl excitedly looks around to see if anybody's watching her. She whispers softly to Frank behind the counter, 'I'll TAKE one!'

As Frank packages the frog, he quietly says to her, 'Just follow the instructions!'

The blonde nods, grabs the box, and is quickly on her way home.

As soon as she closes the door to her apartment, she opens the instructions and reads them very carefully. She does EXACTLY what is specified:

1. Take a shower.
2. Splash on some nice perfume.
3. Slip into a very sexy nightie.
4. Crawl into bed and place the frog down beside you, and allow the frog to do what he has been trained to do.

She then quickly gets into bed with the frog and to her surprise ... . NOTHING happens! The blonde is very disappointed and quite upset at this point.
She re-reads the instructions and notices at the bottom of the paper that says, 'If you have any problems or questions, please call the pet store.'

So, she calls the pet store. Frank says, 'I'll be right over.' Within minutes, the man is ringing her doorbell.

The blonde welcomes him in and says, 'See, I've done everything according to the instructions. The damn frog just SITS there!'

Frank. . ... looking very concerned, picks up the frog, stares directly into its eyes and STERNLY says:

LISTEN TO ME!!
I'm only going to show you how to do this
ONE MORE TIME!!!

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

LOL!!! Dumb Frog!!!!!!!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A man goes into a restaurant and is seated.

All the waitresses are gorgeous.

A particularly voluptuous waitress wearing
a very short skirt and legs that won't quit
came to his table and asked if he was ready
to order,
"What would you like, sir?"

He looks at the menu and then scans her
beautiful frame top to bottom, then answers,
"A quickie."

The waitress turns and walks away in disgust.

After she regains her composure she returns
and asks again,
"What would you like, sir?"

Again the man thoroughly checks her out
and again answers,
"a quickie, please."

This time her anger takes over, she reaches
over and slaps him across the face with a
resounding "SMACK!" and storms away.

A man sitting at the next table leans over
and whispers,
"Um, I think it's pronounced 'quiche'."

[LanceKates]

Had to steal this and fb it

[angieorr]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A skeleton went into a bar and ordered a beer and a mop.

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Ya that's bad alright

[Irish]

Re: Bad joke thread....

I love it!!!! ol:ol:

[DaCoop]

Re: Bad joke thread....

NORWEGIAN FIRE DEPARTMENT (in Minnesota)

One dark night outside a small town in Minnesota , a fire started inside the local chemical plant and in a blink of an eye it exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around.

When the volunteer fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chemical company president rushed to the fire chief and said, "All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $50,000 to the fire department that brings them out intact."

But the roaring flames held the firefighters off.

Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $100,000 to the fire department who could bring out the company's secret files.

From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fir e truck came into sight. It was the nearby Norwegian rural township volunteer fire company composed mainly of Norwegians over the age of 65. To everyone's amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant.

Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno. Outside, the other firemen watched as the Norwegian old timers jumped off right in the middle of the fire fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before.

Within a short time, the Norske old timers had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chemical company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $200,000, and walked over to personally thank each of the brave fire fighters.

The local TV news reporter rushed in to capture the event on film, asking their chief, "What are you going to do with all that money ?"

"Vell," said Ole Larsen, the 70-year-old fire chief, "Da first thing ve gonna do is fix da brakes on dat focking truck!"