Bad joke thread....

[fishgoblue]

Re: Bad joke thread....

That is a couple goos ones.

[LanceKates]

A monkey is sitting in a tree, smoking a joint, when a lizard walks past. The lizard looks up and says to the monkey “Hey! what are you doing?” The monkey says “Smoking a joint, come up and join me, my cold-blooded friend.”
So the lizard climbs up and sits next to the monkey and they have another joint. After a while the lizard says his mouth is ‘dry’, and that he’s going to get a drink from the river.
At the riverbank, the lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls in. A Crocodile sees this and swims over to the stoned lizard, helping him to the side.
He then asks the lizard, “What’s the matter with you?!” The lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting in the tree, smoking a joint with his new monkey friend. He then explained how his mouth got dry, and that he was so wasted that, when he went to get a drink from the river, he fell in!
The inquisitive crocodile says he has to check this out. He walks into the jungle and finds the tree where the monkey is sitting, finishing a joint. He looks up and says “Hey, MONKEY!” The Monkey looks down and says “FUUUUUCK, DUDE……. how much water did you drink?”

Then the croc says "HOLY CRAP!! A TALKING MONKEY!!"

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

That was pretty good!!

[Bear2123]

Re: Bad joke thread....

I like that. Great way to end an evening here. Thanks!

[markstep]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A woman recently lost her husband. She had him cremated and brought his ashes home.
Picking up the urn that he was in, she poured him out on the counter...

... Then, while tracing her fingers in the ashes, she started talking to him. "Irving, you know that fur coat you promised me? I bought it with the insurance money!"

"Irving, remember that new car you promised me? Well, I also bought it with the insurance money!"

"Irving, that emerald necklace you promised me? I bought it, too, with the insurance money."
Still tracing her finger in the ashes, she said, "Irving, remember that blow job I promised you? Here it comes...

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Typical women,, Day late and a dollar short

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Missing Wife Found by Alaska State Troopers

The day after his wife disappeared In a kayaking accident, an Anchorage man answered his door to find two grim faced Alaska State Troopers. "We're sorry Mr. Wilkens, but we have some information about your wife," said one of the troopers.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkens asked.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, "We have some bad news, some good news, and some really great news. Which would you like to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, the ashen Mr. Wilkens said, "Give me the bad News first."

The trooper said, "I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!," said Wilkens. Swallowing hard, he asked, "What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up, she had 12 twenty pound King crabs and 6 good-sized Dungeness crabs clinging to her, and we feel you are entitled to a share in the catch."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkens demanded, "If that's the good news, then what's the great news?"

The trooper smiled and said, "We're gonna pull her up again tomorrow."

[Farmer522]

Re: Bad joke thread....

that is BADDDDDDDDDD

[ggale]

Re: Bad joke thread....

him " well shoot, think you could do that a 3rd time ? I love crab legs!''

[Racinfan101]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Man I got behind on this thread some good - good ones, some good bad ones, and some bad - bad ones!! Thanks for sharing!

[Aquar1234]

Re: Bad joke thread....

A man boarded an airplane and took his seat. As he settled in, he glanced up and saw the most beautiful woman boarding the plane.
He soon realized she was heading straight towards his seat. As fate would have it, she took the seat right beside his.
Eager to strike up a conversation he blurted out, "Business trip or pleasure?"
She turned, smiled and said, "Business. I'm going to the Annual Nymphomaniacs of America Convention in Boston "
He swallowed hard. Here was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen
sitting next to him, and she was going to a meeting of nymphomaniacs.
Struggling to maintain his composure, he calmly asked, "What's your business
role at this convention?"
"Lecturer," she responded. "I use information that I have learned from my personal experiences to debunk some of the popular myths about sexuality."
"Really?" he said. "And what kind of myths are there?"
"Well," she explained, "one popular myth is that African-American men are the most well-endowed of all men, when in fact it is the Native American Indian who is most likely to possess that trait.
Another popular myth is that Frenchmen are the best lovers when actually it is men of Jewish descent who are the best.
I have also discovered that the lover with absolutely the best stamina is the Southern Redneck."
Suddenly the woman became a little uncomfortable and blushed. "I'm sorry,"
she said, "I shouldn't really be discussing all of this with you. I don't even know your name."
"Tonto," the man said, "Tonto Goldstein, but my friends call me "Bubba."

[Kickstand1]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Now that's quick thinking!

[Voyager_PWS]

Re: Bad joke thread....

HAHAHA!!! Tonto "Bubba" Goldstien!!!

[fishgoblue]

Re: Bad joke thread....

That was a good one.

[dmyers]

Re: Bad joke thread....

Well,, He did stay at the Holiday Inn Express last night